Losing your place

Have you ever felt like you didn't belong somewhere? Or remember the feeling you got when your older brother or sister out grew you and no longer wanted to play with you when you were a kid? Well if you mix those two things you will get what I am feeling when I log into EVE anymore. The game has changed some much with the last few expansions that it just isn't the game I loved to play anymore. There is no arguing that point with me anymore. What I loved to do just isn't possible, I ganked people in lowsec. Mission runners, miners, noobs, wannabe pirates, everyone and loved doing it. Today lowsec isn't built for that style of play anymore. With faction warfare farming of lp most other isk generating in lowsec has dissipated a long with the pilots that were fun to gank. Chasing fw farming alts isn't fun to me, and because of it I down right despise faction warfare in it's entirety. The other still occurring isk generating thing to do in lowsec that is left is DED combat sites, which are primarily ran by people who use it to fund their pvp habits, which means they want to fight whether or not they are good is irrelevant to me. I am not a pvp'er, I don't hate the good fights, I just prefer the good ganks. What I enjoy doing is taking on someones belief that they are secure in what they are doing and destroy that. For example in my prime in EVE I primarily hunted battlecruisers in frigates while they were engaged in some isk generating venture, like a mission or a ded plex. Probing them out, getting tackle, killing drones and wearing them out till I got the kill was what I was good at, and more importantly what I do well. Unfortunately these occurrences are rare in lowsec now. This is do to the changes to ships across the board, the changes to fw, and just the genereal evolution of what people do in EVE. I am not going to say that the changes are bad for EVE as a whole, just bad for me. Because what is left from my point of view is a lowsec for those that want to have good fights. Like I said that is just not me. This brings me to my current position and train of thought. What am I to do? Most of the responses that I have gotten from people I socialize with in EVE is that I need to change and adapt. Well as I have admitted many times now, I really do suck at pvp. While I can win more then my share of one on one fights, and some one vs. many fights I am generally frustrated when it comes to such engagements and tend to become annoyed by them to the point of taking extended breaks from EVE when that is all I can do. The other problem with pvp fights is that most people I seem to encounter wont fight me unless they are sure that it is going to be a gank for them. Which I have no real problem with in general, but when that is all that seems to happen to you it makes EVE suck. Primarily I think this has to do with the fact that I am a Tusker along with my rank on Battleclinic and my age as a pilot. The other suggestion is to get into small gang pvp, which admittedly my corp does a lot and does it well, but having been with them for around four years now doing such activities, I have found that I suck in a proper fleet. I really don't have the spacial awareness that it requires. I say this because it is rare that I come back from one of these fleets in the ship I started out with, and usually get back to Hevrice way earlier then the rest of the fleet. When I admit this to my fellows in EVE they tell me I should FC some fleets so that I might learn more about how a fleet works. I have done this, and have learned that while I can definitely build some decent small gang formats, I suck at taking them into a fight. I can call targets and direct the fleet initially. But once the other fleet and mine for that matters get into close combat my focus narrows and I get tunnel vision. What made me good a ganking in my prime is what hinders me today. I just cant seem to break out of the from my hyper focusing in combat. I wish that one day while I was in tunnel vision it would pop and I would somehow be more aware and adaptable, but as of yet I am not. So I am left in this limbo of lowsec where chasing fw alts around and formal small scale pvp is the primary occupations of its inhabitants from my point of view. So what are my choices, learn to be satisfied with chasing alts that run more then anything else, or learn to deal with being a mediocre pvper and join in with my corp mates when a proper fleet is going, become a highsec occupant which I found boring in the first place, travel to null where I am just another part of the herd fighting for something I could careless about and spend my days just gathering and hording isk so I can fly some ridiculous ship in a fight that is so lagged out for me that I only get to fire the guns once before it goes puff and me not really knowing what is happening? Which is something I have done and found to be degrading to say the least. Or do I finally log off for good?